Its always easy to know whats best for somebody else
I'm guilty
I was just remembering different things people have said to me over the years. Everybody knows what you should and if you do it and it doesn't come out the way they said , it was your fault
nobody even takes responsibility for not knowing anything about their own damn lives and especially not knowing enough to tell anybody else anything
I'm guilty
One "friend" told another "I don't think Tonya likes me because she never does what I tell her to do"
It is so easy to stand in judgment over somebody else's life
I'm guilty
I've had to make a lot of tough decisions in my life. Do I have regrets? Absolutely
Do they plague me at times
Absolutely
Would I do it differently
I don't know
I'm not who I was them. that me was doing the best she could
the toughest part for me is the people who know whats best for you
And who cant wait to say "I told you so or I knew it" mostly they are simply silently smug
I'm guilty (mostly with my kids on this one)
Well right now Ive gotta do some hard shit. And everybody's got an opinion. And nobody knows anything
The people who project their own fear on you are the one's who curse you. they can't imagine anything but their fear scribbled outcome.
I'm guilty
I'm guilty of every judgment, projection, trespass...
But right now I just need the power of prayer and loving support
Hold me up somebody
See me in the light
Friday, June 19, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Doing Your Thing
This rant probably makes little sense out of context. But, I wrote it in response to a friend's loving warnings not to take on a nasty public fight with some folks who I allowed myself to become a victim of.
There was a quote on my igoogle page yesterday that said something like "Always and Never are two words one should always remember to Never use"
My Oprah quote about being "One of the ten women in America who will take your breath away," is a result of that early battle in NY. And now I'm doing it again in CA after telling myself "never again"
My "not doing it again" was based on the fact that, when I stood up against the NY judge and participated in having him removed from the bench, not a single other mother whom it would have helped, whom it did help, stood beside me. My comrades were older woman, long past motherhood
We succeeded and it cost me two years of seeing my kids. And I have no regrets. I am wiser now in that I know that if I bring these people down ,I cannot expect the assistance of the dozens of others she's defrauded. they are too afraid. I get most of my info from them but they would never stand up for themselves
So I do it for myself, because I don't want to live in a world where things are so bad that you just have to suffer in silence. I"D RATHER DIE FIGHTING
My therapists specialty is survivors IN war. He spent time in Bosnia and Kosovo during the war. He told me that those people survive by taking turns carrying the burden, But the leaders don't get to share the burden with anyone
Sister Morningstar believes she has died a martyr in every past life. And her mission this time is to do it differently. I tried that choice on for a while.
Its not my path
My biggest fault has been that in the fight I have shunned certain kinds of allies and rested when the pressure eased, which is exactly when I should have been doubling my efforts.
This time, I'm learning. I'm learning that when the other side fights dirty. You must use the same tactics for to assume being above that is to lose.
Sometime, you might want to read some Fox-Piven. I cant recall her first name. But she writes about how all the great "movements of the last century, abolition, suffrage, civil rights, had to break the rules and laws that were designed to keep them from having what they were fighting for.
Maija is a survivor. She is the better version of me.
Morningstar said all girls must become their mothers. And you want your daughter to say when the tough moment comes "Ah that's why mother..." rather than " I will never, because mother...."
I want my son and daughter to stand up and fight because mother did and no matter how difficult and no matter what the outcome she did it and to be able to appreciate that.
There was a quote on my igoogle page yesterday that said something like "Always and Never are two words one should always remember to Never use"
My Oprah quote about being "One of the ten women in America who will take your breath away," is a result of that early battle in NY. And now I'm doing it again in CA after telling myself "never again"
My "not doing it again" was based on the fact that, when I stood up against the NY judge and participated in having him removed from the bench, not a single other mother whom it would have helped, whom it did help, stood beside me. My comrades were older woman, long past motherhood
We succeeded and it cost me two years of seeing my kids. And I have no regrets. I am wiser now in that I know that if I bring these people down ,I cannot expect the assistance of the dozens of others she's defrauded. they are too afraid. I get most of my info from them but they would never stand up for themselves
So I do it for myself, because I don't want to live in a world where things are so bad that you just have to suffer in silence. I"D RATHER DIE FIGHTING
My therapists specialty is survivors IN war. He spent time in Bosnia and Kosovo during the war. He told me that those people survive by taking turns carrying the burden, But the leaders don't get to share the burden with anyone
Sister Morningstar believes she has died a martyr in every past life. And her mission this time is to do it differently. I tried that choice on for a while.
Its not my path
My biggest fault has been that in the fight I have shunned certain kinds of allies and rested when the pressure eased, which is exactly when I should have been doubling my efforts.
This time, I'm learning. I'm learning that when the other side fights dirty. You must use the same tactics for to assume being above that is to lose.
Sometime, you might want to read some Fox-Piven. I cant recall her first name. But she writes about how all the great "movements of the last century, abolition, suffrage, civil rights, had to break the rules and laws that were designed to keep them from having what they were fighting for.
Maija is a survivor. She is the better version of me.
Morningstar said all girls must become their mothers. And you want your daughter to say when the tough moment comes "Ah that's why mother..." rather than " I will never, because mother...."
I want my son and daughter to stand up and fight because mother did and no matter how difficult and no matter what the outcome she did it and to be able to appreciate that.
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