HAIR

Life is becoming very Black and White with age.

First there are the Black hairs that are taking over my entire face.

Then there are the White hairs which are taking over my head

Its not just aging, its reverse evolution I'm returning to the Planet of The Apes.

Today I decided to fight back against my premature hirsuteness.

My Doctor says I'm too young for it to be hormones.

And there was just so much of it, I cant believe it can be attributed to the dripping off the two weeks of female Rogaine usage.

Whatever the cause, today I went in search of the cure

At Raya Day Spa, the sumptuous Russian, Tania. promised to make look "Bweteefull"

I had taken 3 advil in preperation for the stripping of my Elvis sideburns

But Tania had more in store

"You vant me to tek allovit?"

"Yes all of it"

"You vill be bweteefull"

She began with my brows. Not much there especially because I am trying out the new Anastasia styled thick ebrows

Next she moved to my forehead.

"Ouch"

then my cheeks

OUch , ouch, ouch

And my beard

"Holy fuck"

I asked for her to stop half way through so I could see the difference

It was like night and day. The waxed side was bright and shiny albeit red and bruised

While the unwaxed side was shadowed and reminded me of Michael's Jackson's pet Bubbles

"Keep going"

I braced my self, squeezing my eyes tight and flinching with every rip of the cloth

"How about your nose?"

"My nose"

"Oh it's nasty nasty'

She shoved a lollipop stick of wax up my nose and then shoved the clothe strip inside"

OOOOOuch

She held up the blackened clothe

"Look at dis, nasty"

Two more swipes and my nose was visible. I looked at one nostril and then the other. The waxed one looked like a human nasal passage while the unwaxed one a black pit an abyss of mucosal snot

I had never seen my nostrils before

At least not in years

maybe I just hadn't been looking

Now Tania wanted to do more, my legs

I never wax my legs but when I glanced down I had become a grizzly bear overnight. Hairs grew from the knuckles of my toes

"I'm scared Tania"

"It's nothing, you don't need this its summer you don't need to keep warm"

"O kouch"

This went on for a good hour

Thank God for the Advil though next time I may bring morphine