Green Body Products

For those of you who are really into Green. Soul Blossom Products are the Greenest you will ever find. The are gathered from plants and herbs in the Ozarks on Sister Morningstar's land. She and I and Rebecca Pryor share 70 acres that we have called the Crone's nest. Morningstar has eighy more. She is a Catholic mystic , hermitess nun. One weekend a year, she and her Goddess sisters gather the herbs from the land and pray over them. they then mix the purest products you will ever find. The people there truly live green and sustainably. Many are vegan, vegetarian, they home school. Sometimes we even have the green toilet where our waste is composted. I'd like to see an avaerage American touting "Green" try to live with them for a week. Now that's a reality show
Five blogs in one day... I know, I'm making up for sleeping in with the sinus cold most of the week

Paradox

Ugh how how do you get rid of a post? I accidentally started this one. Guess I gotta finish it. I marvel at the variety of people and perspectives. I have friends from many walks of life. But I still find myself judging or envying the variety of ways that people choose to live. It's as if I wish there were some right way. I guess I've been trying to do it the right way. But the "right" way must be the way that gives you the greatest peace and satisfaction with the life that you are living. I think I know three people who have that. They have joys and sadnesses. Each of them lives a very unique lifestyle but each of them is also totally accepting of everyone else's way. No judgment, no envy. I feel I am growing more accepting of myself as I am and I hope that age and wisdom will allow me to share that acceptance with everyone in my sphere. But doesn't that mean I have to change? And at the very least its a paradox or oxynoronic. ha ha

Great Artists

This is some of the work of my dear friend Lili Bernard. beautiful mother of six, extraordinary artist, super women. I am in awe of all that she does. This was last summer. See how my kids have grown and Lili birthed her first daughter since then

Rock Band

While I spent the weekend sleeping a new generation of rockers took over my house. Singing till 5am waking at noon leaving plenty of cleaning up for me to do.

Renovations2

Do renovations ever cease. A house is like a child. It always needs something new. I bought this house five years ago. And each year, each job I have added a little something to it. One year I took out all the grass and added california natives. last year was the kitchen, the year before a half bath. I put th New York subway tile in 3 years ago but now with the granite counters, my guy is thinking marble or granite walls and floors too. I dunno. could be nice. I'd rather add another bathroom that just for the master and do all of that. This is still the family bathroom. Efficiency over luxury. But I can see his point. It would look nice. And the company was so fast and efficient they could probably knock it out in two days. hmmmm something to think on.

ARE We A POLICE STATE?

FACEBOOK used for prosecution. Check out USA Today

So we cant even joke about our life? Our emails are monitored. The internet is the best thing a to track everybody everywhere. Be Where

Renovations

Whatever I do I tend to do it well, I've even mastered a few things. So I disagree with the astrological forecast that Geminis are jacks of all trades and masters of none. A lot of people take half of a lifetime to reach mastery and the other half beating whatever they've mastered into a state of saleable uselessness. My style is to master quickly and move on. I have no desire to be the Icon of anything. I have no desire to be sculpted into anything that can be duplicated and standardized and repeated adinfinitem.

Ah but the price of that path is to never reach star status with all the $$$ and swag that it brings. I am successful but I'm the perpetual toddler building block towers so I can knock them down.

My bathrooms on it's second renovation. I can't count which one this is for me

I'm So Ghetto

I was going to hole up in the bed and read a book. Then I remembered that I live at a place where there is a pool. So I decided to go and sit by the pool and pretend to be living a life of luxury. I found my first self portrait. What a big head I have. But it encourages me to finish my portrait with the flowers.

More Jonas

The Jonas Brothers and Demi Lavotto

I took my eleven year old to her first concert. Tickets bought on stubhub 145% over the regular price. She loved it. I did too. They are a great band. Great songs. They were actually singing. They seem like nice kids. That Nick is very talented. And best of all because it was an audience of mothers and daughters there was no need to worry of about drunken, drugged out violence. Nothing scares me more than drunken white people especially when they let out a yeeha, I get worried about gettin' lynched. But none of that tonight.  Just cute little girls of every age, race and size screaming ( I had the silicone earplugs. that took the noise down 16 decibles, Just enough to hear the music over the screams) and singing to their favorite boy band.  We had a great time. The had a screens where you could text messages that most said "Scream if you're going to marry a Jonas Bros"

The Running of the Bulls

What kind of crazy shit is this. Only a man could think something like this would be fun.

My son went to a Charter School in Los Angeles. There were no men working at the school. The principal was a psycho Feminist who would pull the boys in when one of them would get hurt playing "boy games" and say "What were you doing when he got hurt?" and they say playing Captain something or other and she would tell the boys who weren't hurt that they had been bullying the other boy. the boys would dutiful nod and be shamed. I thought I have to get my kid out of this place and I did. The kids were just being boys, doing what excites them and as we see in this photo, sometimes people get hurt. I like boys to be boys it just has its consequences.

TGIF

I look so mean when I don't smile. Well I've put the diet delivery on INDEFINITE hold. It just wasn't working for me this week. I get my daughter from camp tomorrow and drop my son of Monday. Too much stress.

I think I'm tired of the dark roots gonna color them too. Started writing on other peoples blogs. I like it. This may be the perfect tribe for me.

My man's still away for another week. That sucks. I've been keeping my chin up but it's falling.

it's midnight. I'm sleepy. I've nothing to say but I didn't want to go a day without saying something.

Check out epicfu.com. It is very cool!

Still no more word from my son in Amsterdam...

What A Groovy Day

What a lovely day. I actually wrote something I feel good about. Hooray for me. I was beginning to lose hope. I got to hang out with the amazing Barbara Ehrenreich after a reading of her new book This Land is Their Land, her son, his girlfriend and my oldest friend actress, author , host Annabelle Gurwitch



I get to spend my summer at the beautiful Palazzo East.

And my gorgeous son Myles arrived safely to the Flying Pig Hostel in Amsterdam and I haven't heard from him since. And speaking of Amsterdam, that's Paul and Stew and Me and Heidi at the opening of PASSING STRANGE. Great show catch it before it closes on Broadway July 2oth.

I guess I'd need some visitors for that to make a difference. Ok Christo I get it now.

What A Difference A Year Makes

Look at me and tamara Tunie May 2007. And on the red carpet at the Cat On A Hot Tin Roof Opening.

The most important thing about my life at the moment is that I'm actually present to my life at the moment probably more than I have ever been.

Looking Ahead

 I've been doing this program for seven days today. I think I didn't binge on the first two days only. I've been starting my day with 30-60minutes of aerobic exercise on the treadmill with 4 count inhalation and 2 count exhalation. Michael Thurmond of extreme body makeover says that makes your body burn more fat like a fire burning slow and hot. Incidentally when I worked privately with Michael and he customized a diet for me and I worked with his trainer, I also had this thing where I became ravenous, my blood sugar dropped and no amount of carbs could bring it up. Now what's that about? I bought his  at home program to try when this three weeks of delivery ends. I've become a dieting, blogging Facebook junkie. Cocaine would be a lot easier. Requiem for A Dream deterred me from drugs. I always knew I had an addictive personality. So I never did drugs. I new better. I really dig Michael. He's smart, cool, buddhist. And you get six meals a day with 2 ounces of protein in each. Doesn't that sound like so much more food. Tomorrow I get three shrimp and a coupla bites of beef (plus the cookies, fries , candy and everything else I supplement with ha ha)

It's the menopot that jacks up the look. When I had those breast implant it at least gave the illusion of a smaller waist. But my body hated them. And I got tired of being a big breast. Now I'm an apple or a pear instead of a brick shithouse LOL

today's rabbit food

Half a bagel, half a teaspoon of apple sauce, half an artichoke? Todays food was a joke.

Doggy Bloggy

Doggybloggy aka Christopher Gonzales says I need to read more blogs to get more "visitors" to mine. Do I want more visitors? i kind of like the idea of just speaking into the universe uncensored, uncriticized and unanswered back

Fresh Dining Day ?

manny and I are professional Wii bowlers and `i used to be pretty good at realitii bowling. Today I barely broke 100 infact on the third game I didn't reach 100. Ive completely lost my form. My body wasn't doing what it used to do. I had no aim. No ability to choose or predict anything. 

Fresh Dining is all a blur. Half the food sucks now. But the lesson I have learned is that my binging and stress eating is not related to my daughter (who is at camp) or anything other than myself. I carry the angst inside of me. Despite plans to get on a great program of diet and exercise this week, I have binged as much as ever.

AFTER FACEBOOK

I joined Facebook. Its an obsession a full time job. Which means I don't have a job. I was right to where the wig the audition. All the other contenders had the straight hair thing going on

Fresh Dining Day Six

Today I'm just so over the food plan. These portions are a joke. But keeping a food journal is in the news today.An inner core piece of lettuce with some dip? a 1/4 slice of bread? Today's food doesn't even look appetizing. Although I'm still gorged from yesterdays knock down drag out binge. My bowels reflected it too. My intestines don't like that. I ate everything in sight. All the party leftovers. I figured I'd get them all out of the way at once. 2 cardio sessions, yoga and therapy today. I used to envy my friend Paula spending her days like this all in self indulgence. Some guys like that girl. They don't want a woman who has a life beyond the beauty salons and spas. Eric clearly liked that girl before he met me. Sneddon liked that girl. I think alot of men get tired of that girl and hopefully by the time they do, she's ready to do something else too. I'm really not cut out for it. But if the gift has been given to me I want to capitalize on it and look better by the time it ends. This is not far off actual size. GROWWWLL

STEPPERS

This is a part of my life and upbringing. I hope to bring it to the screen

The Tuesday That Wasnt

Who am I anyway?
What day is today?

on the way to tomorrows audition. Dropping Maija at camp. In the car. It's been a jacked up day. I started good at the gym at 6am for 45minutes with my deep breathing. Then we headed to Camp hollywwodland and got lost three times. Even the Park Ranger gave us bad directions from mapquest. We left at 7:45 and finally arrived at 11:00. We were in Griffith park mind you. They had a power outtage and didnt even know if camp was on. Now I'm worried about my baby and stuffing it in with cheese and crackers, and cookies and yogurt and honey and chips, I want more. back to the gym soon. I took Manny and a friend to the pool today and there were four little stair step boys, maybe 7, 8,9,10 playing in the pool. Two girls were sitting at a table watching them. The littlest one hauled off and spit a hocker in the girls face. They didn't speak English so I don't know what went down. I don't care because I wanted to beat that child's ass. But the girl didn't raise her voice or a hand she just wiped her face and went on as if nothing happened. She looked to see if anyone saw. I made sure she knew that I had seen it all. I felt really sorry that for whatever reason she had to just take that. I imagined them from some country where they stone people to death. That little boy wouldn't have to worry about spitting again cause I'd have had his tongue ripped out
The best part of today? Manny made PRO on WII bowling!!! hurray

Fresh Dining Day Four

Todays food was tasy and edible but not appetizing and certainly not worthy of photographing: lunchmeat and greek dolmas uggghh. Ive cheated the last two days with Lime Tortilla chips. I had a serious craving. I was just reading about low blood pressure, which I have, and I probably really needed the salt. I weighed in a 184 today. That sucks. cause it means I idnt hold the 183 from September. And Im up from the 179 I achieved in march. Not to mention starving the last four days. I probably started at 186. I read that you could have a glass of wine or coffee. So Ive been having cocunut water.
Tomorrow's food looks better. Being busy helps. If I'm active, every thought doesnt revolve around food. `today I went to the Body World Exhibit. So beautiful. They actually call that chocolate cake. I'd call it a chocolate crumb

While mama cat's away

The house painting is coming along. Only 2 1/2 rooms to go. But then the floors get done and the closets. Hopefully we can move back in mid-August. Not that Im not enjoying the Palazzo. The convenience of the gym alloes me to go twice a day. I may just knock off some of this lard




The garden is glorious. The Cana are blooming and the red fir grass is in bloom. The texarkana are doing well. Soon I will have a garden fortress around my little house. I really love it

The Fifth of July

Good Science vs Bad Science

I made the mistake of getting into a discussion with a friend about global warming and then I couldnt get out. I really could care less, But Eric, who is a scientist says its not a done deal. Im being careful with my words here. She is very for it. And told me that every science who was any science had reached a consensus that it was real and all the other quacks practicing "bad science" should be ignored. What I needed Eric here to say is. "Consensus is bad science. Science is a method of experimentation and proof. And everyone agrees that the "Science" hasn't been done and " Consensus" doesn't make it so.

But Eric wasn't here. And even if I had said that she would have beat me down and I really don't care enough to fight about it. 

Now "Good Science" is my Fresh Dining Program 1200-1400 calories a day. 



Eric sent me this link http://recipes.howstuffworks.com/question693.htm  and I learned that it takes 12 calories a day per pound of weight to maintain. So at my current 183lbs, I need 2196 calories to maintain. But if I want to be 140lbs and maintain thatthen I can eat 1680 calories a day to maintain that.  So if I reach 140 I can eat only 280-480 calories more a day. Oh boy. Well that could be a chocolate muffin or a peanut butter cookie and a light frappacino I suppose. It 8:02pm and Ive already scoped out tomorow's meal. I cant wait to wake

Have Justice Will Travel

There was a story on the news about an abused woman who became a lawyer. "Have JusticeWill Travel " was her moniker. I saw her walking. She was obese. That's what happens to us when we're traumatized as a kid. If we cant get to booze or narcotics we turn to food. Its cheap and readily accessible. I've always eaten alot. Its just when I was young I was moving and dancing all day. So I burned it off. Now ever stressor I reach to put something in my mouth like the huy in "Wanted" with his anxiety pills. The only thing is that Im so primed for stress that good and bad things produce the same result now. Im always reaching to push a feeling down. Mine got worse after losing custody of my kids. I could have used some traveling justice then

OBSESSION

its 11:55am and these are my last three meals to get me through the day. As you can see  it's the only thing on my mind for the day. 1:30pm for lunch. I'll try to hold out till two. Take a nap. I was expecting friends. Go to a movie, How will I survive. I cant find my vibrator and my fiance isnt here so i cant even distract myself with sex. I just downed 16oz of water. I want some coconut water. This is my idea of a snack, not a meal.


That's a small prescription bottle. Can you believe that portion of bread pudding? My favorite dessert.  Its not even a bite in the real world of gaining 15 pound a year since  for the last three years. That's why Im doing this. keep reminding myself. I will survive. The gym is open till 2pm maybe I should go back again. The fear is your body gets used to the miniscule meals and you eat one real meal and blow up like a blimp. My friend did zone last year and lost 45 pounds but soon as she stopped she gained it all back and more. Ricky Lake told me she still keeps the Fresh Dining meals coming a year after her weight loss

Wishful thinking

My chip "snack" was in that ipod size bag. I don't think the crumbs would have added up to one single real Chip. Its been a day and half. & meals. The kids are still alive. But I need some results. I don't have a scale. so the photos will do. The food is soooo delicious. I lick the plates.  Or am I just really HUNGRY?!! I told Eric when we go out he can just order and I can take two bites and that is what is a proper portion. aggggghhhh. I see maybe a little less gut bloat. Its a start

Fresh Dining Day One

Fresh Dining Day One. The entire bag of food was the equivalent of one meal. Ever dish was delicious. Italian Chicken and vegetable has w/scrambled eggs , sliced cucumbers and tomatoes( half of which exploded inside the microwave) for breakfast.  Seared Ahi with Tuna Tatake ponzu for snack, Tuscan Shrimp Pizza with garden salad w/ red wine vinaigrette for lunch. Grilled lamb with artichoke fennel and coriandor salsa, sweet potato gratin and grilled blue lake beams and rosemary au jus for dinner and a key lime square for dessert. Five meals. I had the first at 8 the second at 10:30am the third at 1:00 the fourth and fith at 6 and 6:20pm. I have hours before bed and Im starving. it was soooooo delicious. But half cup portions. I gained 15lbs this past year. We calculated that at an additional 150 calories a day or that tall latte that I developed the habit of enjoying with my fiance. Not worth it for sure.

Took the kids to the pool and grocery shopping for foods I wouldnt have to cook. Im hungry. I need to go to sleep now. but then I'd be up at 4am and they may have not delivered tomorrows food by then. I told my kids I was gonna be extra cranky without food so they had better do what I said to do the FIRST time. it worked once.

Ive got three kids over and I cheated with a piece of bubble gum at 6:50 32calories. Maybe that half hopur on the elliptical will cover for it

SHAMELESS

My latest project sculpting this form.
IyiI I got work to do